I work at CEA on the Community Health team doing deep dives into concerns within the EA or adjacent communities. Feel free to reach out to me with any reports or concerns about conduct related to the EA community, whether involving people, spaces, or organizations (explicitly EA or not). I'm happy to talk about vague or small concerns.
(Opinions here my own by default though will sometimes speak in a professional capacity).
Personal website: www.chanamessinger.com
I'm not sure what you mean by "real way". One of the central ways it's culturally understood that that word and certain uses of "gay" are bad to use is to be contemptuous about things one doesn't like or are insufficiently masculine. That seems like an important and real way it can be used for harm, not only literally meaning to call a gay person a slur.
I appreciate you writing this up. I think it might be worth people who know him putting some effort into setting up a chat. Very plausibly people are and I don't know anything about it, but people might also underweight the value of a face to face conversation coming from someone who understands you and shares a lot of your worldview expressing concerns.
Oooh I'm especially excited for this for comments, but it looks like it doesn't work for comments, is that right?